nikon D80

whoa...how do you feel when, in a blink of an eye, you can actually get what you want? when that happens to me, i feel like time has come to a stand still, and i try to imagine the time between knowing that i can get it and actually having it in my hand slow like quicksand. its a wierd kind of cherishing the moment. but it works. besides, i think the main purpose of this slowmo is to really ask yourself if its worth it.

porque el dinero es tan importante? porque no puedo ir a cualquier lugar o hacer cualquira cosa lo que deseo? no me gusta cuando todo el mundo esta me diciendo lo que debo que hacer. yo se. y aun que no se, no me diga nada.

i havent really figured out who i am yet. what bummer. and i thought i was making progress. this has got to be the low point in life. im not even depressed. im just thinking that i need to think more ab who i am (hows that supposed to work out?) anyways, life has come to a full circle for me. what has happened in the past is now happenning. there is no routine yet i am routining. come home to an empty house with echoes. thats exciting. entails that the move will be complete definitely by month end. what will it be like over there? and what about past-made aspirations? those will have to wait. though there is no pressure, soon enough one year is bound to end and another begin. then i will have to deal my cards wisely (phhhft! wisdom from a callow 23 year old? hardly likely, but i will try) plan plan plan. when is the execution? funny. my room seems much smaller when its empty.

if everyone in the world knew exactly what others think about them, the whole world would have to readjust.

there are people who are nice. then there are people who act nice.
the former bears a certain sense of consideration and kindness in every action, while the latter bears a sense of underlying self-serving motive.
genuinely nice people keep the level of making others feel discomfort to the minimum, while the phonies extract a perverse happiness in creating a fake sense of laughter and jokes that all belie their meanness. genuinely nice people can even sometimes go out on the lim to make others feel less awkward, while the phonies, still under the veil of laughter and jokes, make comments to inflate their ego and sense of self-worth and simultaneously crushing those who mean them no harm.
the phonies like to complain about their surroundings, the things that they think they deserve to have, and at the same time they consume and consume and consume everything around them. its like stuffing your face with rich chocolate cake and saying how bad it tastes between mouthfuls. it is quite pathetic.

seeing the phonies and what their words and actions convey, it is very disappointing at the beginning, then disappointment turns to loss of respect, which eventually turns to indifference. no matter what you may seem like to other people, there are those who know what you really are.

PS. i should reread salinger again. now it all makes more sense.

some transitions are necessary, some transitions are not. then there aer transitions that are necessary and difficult at the same time, but in my case it makes me quite delirious. notwithstanding the immense amount of details, constant self-reminders, and at the same time keeping an eagle's eye on everything, i am quite self voluntary towards learning these things. of course, its my job and what needs to be done needs to be done.
this may be the crutial time where more self discovery is revealed, or hidden forever.