Dealing with situations are never easy. Especially if its hypothetical situations which, at the end of the day cause your speculations to exhaust you and you go to bed with an uneasy mind. I am not experiencing this right now, per se, but I have found myself in situations like this many a times before in my callow lovestruck freshman year from way back when. As much as I think I have grown in terms of dealing with sex and relationships (oftentimes together), there are always old challenges disguised in multi-colored frocks, dimpled smiles, and cute gestures. Then it dawned unto me. These challenges, no matter in what form, will always be the same. So what has to be changed? Simply, me.
Speaking in broader terms, this applies to everything in the universe. What makes LA different when you go back? Nothing. Its what you have been through that makes the California sun burn more brightly. Or what makes the Toronto cold a couple degrees warmer? Its what you have experienced. It is the change inside.
It is always an interesting if not ambivalent feeling when I catch myself undergoing this subtle transformation. Mind you, this is supposed to be a slow but steady process. No one expects anyone to just switch their colors like a multi-colored ball point. The more you are aware of things, aware of your reaction, your uttereances, your attitude, the more you can take a deep breath, and think in your mind, "ok, so this is where you ususally break down. how about taking a different turn and just let it be? should have interesting results." Then you feel your anxiety being lifted like a heavy cloak, and you can breathe again.